All the Way Home

Joy To The World, Third Day

2010-12-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

Mary, Mother of God

2009-12-31T23:23:00.002-05:00

January 1 is the Feast of Mary, Mother of God. Tonight at the Vigil Mass, Father reminded us that Mary's response to God was always positive and prayerful. When told by the Angel Gabriel that she would become pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit, Mary said, "Let it be done to me as you have said". When she requested her Divine Son to provide wine for the wedding at Cana, she then instructed the servants to "Do just as He tells you".

It is not always easy to do just as the Lord tells us to do. For the Blessed Virgin Mary, it meant watching her only and beloved Son die a painful and bloody death on the Cross. That she knew this was the end from the beginning could only have made it more painful to anticipate and then endure.

The lesson of Mary to me, from the time I was able to "see" her with the eyes of faith, has been this: We must always do what the Lord wants us to do. Sometimes, that will be unbelievably painful, both for Him and for us. Because, you see, He loves us and He feels our pain as His own. And just as He was finally able to wrap His loving arms around His beloved mother and carry her home to be with him always, He will in the end come for us too.

Until then, we must strive to "Do just as He tells" us.

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

2009-12-24T18:30:00.001-05:00

It's been Christmas in Bethlehem for over an hour...

She's Home with Jesus for Christmas

2009-12-22T15:06:00.006-05:00

Our dear baby granddaughter left us on Sunday morning, December 20, 2009. She died peacefully in her mother's arms with her Nana by her side. I baptized Chloe about five hours before her death with the blessing of my dear priest Father Noe who was two hours away.

Little Chloe was sent to us for a reason, of that I am very sure. We will say our last goodbyes on Thursday morning. This child who was born on her Nana's birthday and died on her great-grandparent's 62nd wedding anniversary will be buried on Christmas Eve.

Say hello to Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa Board, dear Chloe. Give your brother Xavier a kiss for me, and Great-Grandpa Leone. And tell your Great-Uncle David that his mommy (your Great-Grandma Leone) still misses him every single day.

As we will all miss you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnVorT14i4I

Some Personal Notes

2009-12-13T12:40:00.003-05:00

Dear Readers (if indeed I have any readers left):

I know I have sadly neglected this blog. Life has been moving at a breakneck pace, and I have not been able to collect my thoughts to post the remaining recollections that are important to my story of my faith journey.

In the midst of it all, though, I did manage to reconnect with a childhood friend who left the Watchtower several years before me. It was wonderful to get together and talk about our families. The JW organization manages to intrude on her life much more than it does on mine, and that realization made me thankful for my own current situation but also angry that many people have their families divided against one another by manmade "rules" and arrogant personal opinions.

On November 10, my newest granddaughter Chloe was born. Her mother, my daughter Michelle, was very ill and Chloe was delivered very prematurely and weighed a mere 18.5 oz. at birth. Chloe is now one month three days old. She is growing, allbeit with many challenges facing her. The picture above is Chloe holding her Mommy's hand. It was taken on December 9.

Please include Chloe in your prayers.

Thank you.

Lenten Thoughts

2009-03-25T07:06:00.003-04:00

I've struggled somewhat with this first Lent as a baptized Catholic. Family difficulties abound, and every Lenten assignment that I pick up at Sunday Mass appears to have been written exactly to address my personal faults (ouch!). The dear priest who had become my Confessor and Spiritual Director was called to shepherd a distant parish in our diocese just before Advent, and until last night I had not gotten up courage to go to Confession again (it had been five months -- TOO LONG FOR ME!)

On a brighter note, the "Why Catholic" series began again with this Lent and I was invited to join a group that meets in the home of a couple who were very active in leading my RCIA group. Last Sunday, we decided that our assignment for the week would be to go to Confession and receive the Holy Eucharist this week.

The Lenten Reconciliation (Penance) Service was scheduled for last night, and I made arrangements to attend. I missed the Advent Penance Service; for some reason, I did not find out about it until it was over. So this was my first attendance at this particular type of service.

All I can say is, OH MY!! We had four priests (three visiting) celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation and our permanent Deacon assisting with the service. I prayed my Rosary on the way to Church and was deep in meditation when I arrived with one decade to do later. The service itself was wonderful; I cried profusely through much of it (but I was not the only one in tears). Then I got in line for Confession with my dear Pastor. I don't know what I was waiting for; THIS was exactly what I needed.

After I did my Penance (and no, I'm not going to tell you what it was *hah*), I went for pie with one of my best friends. I felt about a hundred pounds lighter. Later, in bed, I prayed the final decade of my Rosary and fell right to sleep.

Thank you Jesus!

Marriage and Children

2009-01-04T10:48:00.017-05:00

(Previous installment in this series: From My Father's House to My Husband's House )

I embarked on the sea of matrimony with high hopes that my husband and I could raise the kind of happy, Godly family that I had grown up in. At the same time, I was aware that the Watchtower organization had, over the years, discouraged married couples from having children. Back in 1941, when my mother was in her early 20s and before she had ever met my father (who was a new Navy seaman at the time), in a book paradoxically titled Children, Joseph Rutherford proclaimed (on pages 311-313, emphasis mine):
"Childbearing

Marriage and childbearing are the means
of carrying out the divine mandate to multiply
and fill the earth. This mandate was
given to righteous man and woman in Eden,
and even so the mandate must be carried
out by righteous men and women on the
earth after Armageddon and who have received
righteousness and the right to life
from God, by Christ Jesus. (Romans 6:23;
John 17:3) From Eden to Armageddon it
was not possible for the divine mandate to
be carried out, for the reason that no righteous
human creatures appeared on the earth
qualified to carry it out. ...

... Clearly the men and women
of the “great multitude”, because of their
being righteous and having the right to life,
will marry and bring forth children without
hindrance. They will occupy and fill
the place that no human creature
could fill from the time of Eden to the Kingdom.
Should men and women, both of whom
are Jonadabs or “other sheep” of the Lord,
now marry before Armageddon and bring
forth children? They may choose to do so,
but the admonition or advice of the Scriptures
appears to be against it. ...
The prophetic picture seems to set forth
the correct rule, to wit: The three
sons of Noah and their wives were in the ark and
were saved from the flood. They did not
have any children, however, until after the
flood. They began to have children two years
after the flood. (Genesis 11: 10,ll) No children
were taken into the ark and none were
born in the ark, and hence none were
brought out of the ark. Only eight persons went in
and eight came out of the ark. (1 Peter 3 : 29;
Genesis 8: 18) That would appear to indlcate
it would be proper that those who will
form the “great multitude” should
wait until after Armageddon to bring children into
the world. It is only a few years from
the time the “other sheep” are gathered to the Lord
until Armageddon. That entire period is a
time of much tribulation, concluding with
the greatest tribulation the world will ever
have known. Speaking of that very time,
Jesus says : “Woe unto them that are with
child, and to them that give suck
in those days!“-Matthew 24: 19, 21.
That would seem to mean that those
who would have infants during Armageddon
would suffer much greater woe because of
their care of the same. It is a great
responsibility to rear children and care for them
now, and it would be far greater difficulty
to care for them during the time of the
great tribulation upon the earth."

So first Judge Rutherford talks about childbearing from Eden to "Armageddon" while making absolutely no reference to Jesus Christ and His redemption of fallen man through His incarnation and death on the Cross. Then he tells young people in 1941 that the Great Tribulation is so close that they should wait until after Armageddon to marry and have children. Finally, his implication is that if these folks are so weak that they cannot wait to marry, they certainly should not have children because by doing so they will suffer "greater woe".

This is the kind of book my father studied when he was becoming a Witness in the 1940s. It is not surprising, then, that he originally told my mother that he did not want to have any children. He completely believed that he was living so close to Armageddon that he and mom could safely wait until after Armageddon to have children.

My mother disagreed. She was her mother's daughter, and my grandmother had ten beautiful children and announced to anyone who would listen that she "would have had ten more if the Good Lord would have given them to me". Finally, another Witness informed my father that children were part of the "marital due" mentioned in the Bible. My father was told that if my mother wanted to have children, he must give her children.

So, it being rather of a miracle that I and my sister exist at all, I always (from my earliest memories) wanted to have children, and entered marriage with that as my dearest intention.

You would have thought that the passing of more than thirty years from the Children book would have caused my father to realize that there was something wrong with its reasoning. After all, my father was a very intelligent man, a professional man, who exhibited good judgement in other areas of life. He was also a wonderful father to my sister and I. But my dear father repeated the "logic" of the Children book to me when I married. "Woe to those suckling a babe in those days", he would say. And "If you must get married, for goodness sake do not have kids!"

Of course, the year being 1974, the Watchtower folk had invented a new reason for believing the end was at hand -- the fact that, according to their calculations, 6,000 years of human history would end in the fall of 1975. Some even said that this meant that Armageddon would be over by the fall of 1975, because they felt that the Millenial Reign of Christ must commence in that year.

I'm certain that my father's fears for me and my potential children were quite real fears. He was a true believer, and he loved me very much. However, I did not follow his advice. Rather, I found the words of another friend to be quite comforting:

"If you believe that God can take care of you and carry you through the Great Tribulation, why would you doubt that God can bring your children through it as well?"

Why indeed?

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-01T09:18:00.001-05:00

The PS22 Chorus, absolutely amazing!

The Feast of the Holy Family

2008-12-28T10:54:00.009-05:00

*JMJ*

Today is the Feast of the Holy Family. At this morning's mass, Father Andy reminded us that Mary and Joseph were ordinary people, flesh and blood like us. He also reminded us that Our Lord, the Word, became flesh. This stands in stark contrast to other religious traditions in which humans seek to escape the fleshly for the spiritual. Jesus, through the incarnation, has healed our flesh; we are not to escape our human nature, but to live it for His Glory.

So on this beautiful day that honors Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, let us pray for all families of the earth. Let us ask our Lord to bind up what is wounded, to heal what is broken, and to grant peace and love in the hearts of fathers, mothers, and children.

In the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,

Amen.

Pray the Divine Office -- with Music!!

2008-12-22T17:02:00.005-05:00

Wow, a poster on the Coming Home Network International Forum just posted about a wonderful new resource -- Divine Office -- Liturgy of the Hours . To this point they are recording and posting the Invitatory, the Office of Readings, and the Morning Prayer for each weekday. The prayers are also available for download as *.mp3 recordings.

Early in my journey, I discovered morning and evening prayer from the LOH posted as recordings on the EWTN home page. I would lock my door at work and pray. Praying in this way opened new doors of understanding in my heart. It was a priceless experience!

Then one day the prayers disappeared from the EWTN page, and I could not find a similar resource available. Just before my baptism, my dear friends Tom and Gloria Cabeen sent me the one volume Christian Prayer as a gift and I resumed my LOH habit. But I have seriously missed the beautiful music!

Many thanks to the owners and operators of the new web site, and a H/T to CHNI Forum .

Merry Christmas from a Holiday Handicapped Nana

2008-12-20T17:10:00.005-05:00

By the time most Nanas get to be 56 years old with 6 grandchildren, they have the holiday celebrations "down to a science". I have wonderful friends who all have their special holiday traditions and who are each experts in some facet of Christmasology.

But alas, Nana Ruth is a neophyte in the celebration of the Lord's birthday...

Since celebrating Christmas is still not a "family thing" for everybody at my house, I have had to work at learning about Christmas traditions. I have tried to focus on spiritual traditions. For example, I am praying my first Christmas Novena this year.

I helped with the Christmas Social at my college, and attended with my grandson (who loved the whole thing). We also went to the CCD Christmas party, the Elementary School Christmas party, and his homeroom Christmas party. Haydon has already received a number of Christmas "present bags". I have surprises for him and the other grandkids stuffed in my trunk for the big day. But I have been trying to impress on Haydon the spiritual meaning of the Season, and that Christmas is Baby Jesus' birthday, not Haydon's birthday.

Yesterday, after we went to his homeroom party, Haydon came to my room with a ribbon bedecked candy cane with a piece of chocolate attached to it. He solemnly presented it to me as my present.

I have to confess, I was tempted to tell him to keep it. To tell him, "it's yours, you can have it". He loves candy canes and adores chocolate!

I'm happy to say that I resisted the temptation. Swallowing hard, I smiled and said "Thank you very much". How can I deprive him of the joy of giving me a present?

So have a Blessed Advent, a Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New Year. And send me your favorite Christmas traditions, so I can start to figure this whole thing out.

Ave Maria!!

Christmas Novena -- Day Two

2008-12-17T09:21:00.003-05:00

With a h/t to Tiber Jumper

As the passage of time would tend to indicate, I am struggling with the telling of my story. One factor that looms large is sorrow and regret of the "if I only knew then what I know now" type.

So I found this portion of today's Christmas Novena prayer very comforting:

I love Thee, my dear God; I love Thee, my only good. I regret the many years when I have not loved Thee, but rather spurned and offended Thee. Forgive me, O my beloved Redeemer; for I am sorry that I have thus treated Thee, and I regret it with all my heart. Pardon me, and give me the grace never more to withdraw from Thee, but constantly to love Thee in all the years that still lie before me in this life. My love, I give myself entirely to Thee; accept me, and do not reject me as I deserve.

Please be patient with me. God isn't finished with me yet!

The entire Novena from the EWTN website

Thank You Lord, for Faithful Bishops

2008-11-01T20:05:00.001-04:00

Father John Noe read this letter to us this evening as his homily:

The Roman Catholic Diocese of Lexington
1310 West Main Street
Lexington, Kentucky 40508-2048
Telephone: (859) 253-1993
Facsimile: (859) 254-6284

Faithful Citizenship statement from Bishop Ronald Gainer
October 28, 2008
Feast of Saints Simon and Jude
Apostles and Martyrs

My Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

In the months preceding Election Day, we have witnessed several elected officials who are Catholics publicly address the Church’s teaching on the grave matters of conscience formation, the inviolability of innocent human life and voting. Several of these Catholic politicians have cited the document of our United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, entitled “Forming Consciences for Faithful Citizenship” in a way that misrepresents the intent of the document and the authentic teaching of our Catholic Church – misrepresentations that warrant clarification.
Read the entire letter

A Little Ruth Update

2008-10-26T20:45:00.002-04:00

Dear Friends:

I know I have neglected this blog lately. I would like to explain a little.

On July 25, my dear 5-year-old grandson was handed to my care. The situation is complicated and involves others, so I cannot explain fully. I am now the full time mom of a Kindergarten student (and still have my regular full time job, of course). So my time is much more limited than it was previously.

I do want to get back to telling my story. I had a purpose in starting this blog, and the purpose remains. That is, to give those who know me or are related to me a way to hear how I have come to travel this road I'm on. My dear sister and others who will no longer communicate with me due to my becoming Catholic, still may at some point in time find and read what I record here.

And so I will continue. Please be patient with me.

“The End of Feminism”

2008-09-18T08:38:00.004-04:00

From Catholic Exchange:

"While hysteria swirls around Sarah Palin, wife and mother of five, everyone would benefit by taking a large step back from the pandemonium in order to better perceive what is really happening. Her supporters rightly point to her affirmation of life and her ability to juggle family with wider commitments as the cause of a nearly unhinged backlash from liberals, but this is wide of the true mark. The actual cause of international outrage is not her motherhood, but the fact that she does not reject fatherhood. ...more

Posted using ShareThis

Catholic Vote 2008

2008-09-17T17:47:00.001-04:00

Please prayerfully consider the message of this video, and vote your conscience this November.

The angels are watching.

I got interviewed ;-)

2008-07-11T13:55:00.002-04:00

If you're impatient to hear more of the last part of my conversion story (yes, I know I'm taking FOREVER to tell it here), then check out this podcast interview:

Jeff Schwehm interviews Ruth Leone.

For more information about the interview, and to listen to other great podcasts by Jeff, go to:

CatholicXJW Blog .

If you haven't registered for the Conference, go to the Conference web page right now and do it:

http://www.catholicxjw.com/Rates.html

On-site registration costs more, and registering in advance will make Jeff's job of planning everything much easier.

Preview of Coming Attractions

2008-07-08T21:30:00.004-04:00

The Welcome Home! Conference is less than a month away!

Jeff Schwehm has posted his latest interview with Tom Cabeen. Tom previews a little of his coming presentation at the conference, as well as sharing more of his personal conversion story with us. To download the podcast, go here.

For other helpful links related to the podcast, read Jeff's blog entry here.

See you in Weirton!

My Redeemer Lives - Team Hoyt

2008-06-16T13:13:00.001-04:00

A belated Father's Day to all you wonderful Dads out there!

This video (and the wonderful true story it exemplifies) is testimony to the great love our Heavenly Father has for us, His children, handicapped by sin, but redeemed by His Love.

Conference Flyer

2008-06-11T10:09:00.012-04:00

Click on image to view full size:

To download a copy of the Flyer, click here:

Jeffrey Schwehm on Relevant Radio

2008-06-09T14:08:00.004-04:00

If you are a Catholic who would like to learn more about how to help Jehovah's Witnesses (your family or your neighbors and colleagues), listen to this presentation recorded by Relevant Radio on June 6 with Jeffrey Schwehm, President of the Fellowship of Catholic Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses:

To listen to streaming audio, click here

To download the mp3, click here

For more information about the Fellowship of Catholic Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, click here

Watchtower Comments 4.14.08 The Generation

2008-06-02T13:32:00.001-04:00

If you find this presentation confusing, welcome to the history of my life.

The Fellowship of Catholic Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses Presents:

2008-06-01T08:29:00.010-04:00

The Welcome Home! Catholic Conference

Location: The Holiday Inn Hotel and Resort in Weirton, WV

(approximately 20 minutes from Pittsburgh International Airport)

When: August 1st, 2nd, and 3rd 2008

The goal of this conference is to:

1. Help support Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses who are Catholic.

2. Assist former Jehovah's Witnesses who are interested in and investigating the Catholic Church.

3. Help Catholics who have lost loved ones to the Jehovah's Witnesses.

4. Equip Catholics to effectively deal with Jehovah's Witnesses both apologetically and socially.

Note: Jehovah's Witnesses are a high-control group whose theological strangeness in comparison with Christianity is mated to a demanding and oppressive internal social structure. Several features of our agenda will deal directly with the mental, emotional, and social effects of life in such a group.These aspects of the program will be of interest, not only to former JWs and family members of JWs, but also to anyone with a history in a high-control group, or anyone in a helping position with such a person.We strongly appeal to Catholic social workers, counselors, and other mental health providers to come and learn how to effectively help people with this history. Priests, DREs, and catechists will benefit from understanding how to meet the unique needs of this population as they enter the Catholic Church in increasing numbers.

I am praying for some way to open up so that I can attend this Conference. I believe that it will be very interesting and beneficial to both XJWs and Catholic clergy and lay ministers who may have an opportunity to help them.

Please register and attend this Conference! And if you have any spare prayers, send them up on behalf of my intention to find a way to get there ;-).

More Tom Cabeen :-)

2008-05-29T16:52:00.004-04:00

In addition to the interview on EWTN Catholic Cable Television that I blogged about earlier, Tom was recently interviewed by Randy Watters of Freeminds. Randy and Tom have been friends for over three decades. Randy is an Evangelical Christian and Tom is Roman Catholic. Although their viewpoints on some subjects differ, they have great respect for each other.

The two-part interview can be found here:

Watt n' Cab

The page also includes a link to an article that Tom wrote regarding the Catholic doctrine of Hell, Tom's recommended reading list, and other goodies.

I am told that additional resources may be added later.

Check it out!

From My Father's House to My Husband's House

2008-05-28T17:19:00.007-04:00

The Divine Victory International Conventions of 1973 were eagerly anticipated events. With 1975 looming large on the horizon, many of us thought that these might be the last large conventions the Society would be able to hold before Armageddon. The convention in San Juan, Puerto Rico was scheduled for September. My girlfriend and I worked hard getting ready for the trip. I made all my clothes, and my parents loaned me a suitcase. I eagerly anticipated my first ever plane ride -- from Miami, Florida to San Juan, Puerto Rico. I was 20 years old, and this was the most exciting thing that I had ever done.

We were, of course, looking forward to the convention itself and to receiving whatever new books would be released. International conventions were always opportunities for new information to be made available, and this one would be no exception. But twenty-year-old girls have other things on their minds too, and I was a girl ;-). I was not allowed to date anyone who was not a Jehovah's Witness, since dating in the Witnesses is only for the purpose of finding a marriage mate and interfaith marriages are strongly discouraged. Since our congregations in Kentucky were small and young people (of both sexes) were relatively few, conventions always provided an opportunity to meet new friends and "check the brothers out". And this time we were going all the way to exotic Puerto Rico!!

I can't tell you without doing research what books were released at that convention. I can't tell you who the speakers were, besides N. H. Knorr and Fred Franz on the English side and Ray Franz on the Spanish side. But I can tell you this -- I met the love of my life in Puerto Rico in September of 1973.

He was a young fellow from Pennsylvania who had been baptized barely a year. He had come along with his best friend and the best friend's family (just as I had). He was a little shy. He waited until the night before we had to go home before he finally asked me out to dinner!

It took two completely full taxis to take all the people to dinner who accompanied us on our very first date. Jehovah's Witnesses believe in chaperoned dates, but even so this was a little much! The first question he asked me, in the taxi cab, was "What is your nationality?" My answer, of course, was "American, what else?" My date was Italian American. His grandparents had come to the U.S. on a boat; his father had been born in this country. Everyone in his family was Catholic, except him. He had left the Catholic Church to become a Jehovah's Witness.

I was fascinated by my new boyfriend. I was also amused by the irony of the situation -- I had gone all the way to Puerto Rico just to meet and fall in love with an Italian kid from Pennsylvania ;-). He didn't waste any time "following up" after we got back to the States. In December he proposed, in January he moved to Kentucky and I finally accepted. In April we were married in the Kingdom Hall. Most of his large Italian Catholic family came all the way to Kentucky for our wedding, which took place on the night before Easter. Of course, I had absolutely no idea of the significance of the Easter Vigil in April 1974. We planned the wedding for that weekend to allow Fred's family to have plenty of traveling time.

When I finally had time to sit down and think about things, I marveled at the fact that Fred's family was so loving to us both. They traveled almost 400 miles to be present at our wedding, put up with our Eastern Kentucky social graces (much different from their ways of doing things), and showered us with gifts and hugs and kisses. They never complained for a second even though I was later to find that they had never heard of a wedding reception without a dinner or without an opportunity for guests to dance with the Bride.

As the years went by and we all got to know each other much better, I came to truly love these wonderfully accepting folks. At the same time, may the Lord forgive me, I was constantly trying to figure out how I could turn them all into Jehovah's Witnesses. I felt that their genuine love and caring for us somehow had to be "in spite of" their Catholicism, since everything I had ever been taught about the Catholic religion was about how bad it was. I even had a thick notebook of research that my grandfather had put together documenting all the sins and travesties of the Catholic Church. So these wonderful people, I was sure, had to be the exception. I just happened to marry into a family of really nice Catholics, and I was sure it would not be long until all or most of them were Jehovah's Witnesses just like me.

Funny how life turns out sometimes...

Next: Marriage and Children

God In The Streets of New York City

2008-05-25T18:57:00.001-04:00

How Awesome is our God!

Former Jehovah's Witness Tom Cabeen on The Journey Home (EWTN) Tonight!

2008-05-19T05:34:00.003-04:00

My good friend Tom Cabeen will be Marcus Grodi's guest this evening on The Journey Home on EWTN. If you don't get cable television, you can watch the show live on the web at:

http://www.ewtn.com/

Tom and I have been corresponding for over a year and he has been a great help to me on my personal journey.

Please lift up Tom in your prayers today, and also all those who might listen and be moved by the Holy Spirit to find the One, Holy, Catholic Church.

NOTE 5/31/08 -- The archived audio of the show can be heard here:

The Journey Home -- 5/19/08 -- Marcus Grodi and Tom Cabeen

Be Not Afraid, I go before you always

2008-05-13T12:49:00.001-04:00

I've had this hymm playing in my head all morning. I found this while looking for all the words (some I couldn't remember).

Enjoy!

If you are looking for answers --

2008-05-04T16:33:00.004-04:00

If you are looking for answers --

Are you sure you are asking the right questions?

Introductions -- conclusions -- leading questions -- rhetorical questions: All these were elements of the "theocratic" training that I received every week as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Equipped with books like Make Sure of All Things and its successor Reasoning from the Scriptures, I went forth to knock on the doors of my neighbors with the very sincere intention of bringing them the "good news of the kingdom". I was fully convinced that this was a life-saving work.

Repeatedly, through the pages of Watchtower and other publications, the leadership of Jehovah's Witnesses asserted that 1) God's Kingdom had come in 1914, with Jesus arriving invisibly and continuing to be present, 2) a great work of separating the "sheep" from the "goats" was being done by those who recognized the invisible arrival and presence of Jesus in his Kingdom, and 3) based on Jesus' words in Matthew ("this generation will not pass away"), the war of the great day of God the Almighty was imminent (Armageddon).* In the late 1960s and early 1970s, a Biblical timetable was drawn up and distributed through the pages of several publications (including Life Everlasting in Freedom of the Sons of God (1966) and Then is Finished the Mystery of God (1969)) that pointed to 1975 as the end of 6,000 years of human history AND THE BEGINNING OF THE THOUSAND YEAR REIGN OF CHRIST.

The beginning of the thousand year reign of Christ presupposed the fulfillment of Bible prophecies regarding the Battle of Armageddon, a war in which God would destroy all the wicked, all the “goats” who had refused to listen to the “good news” being proclaimed by Jehovah’s Witnesses. As I walked from door to door in field service in nice neighborhoods, I was sometimes shocked to hear my companion say something like, “THAT is the house I want to live in after Armageddon!!”. It did not seem very Christian to me to be anticipating the sudden apocalyptic death of our neighbors. (For further information about what the Witnesses taught about the year 1975, see “What Happened in 1975?” ).

In between the release of these two publications, the book The Truth that Leads to Eternal Life was released in 1968 amid much fanfare. Small in size and distributed for the small price of $0.25, this book was intended to form the basis for a six month Bible study program that Jehovah's Witnesses were urged to conduct in the homes of all interested persons. We were told that "Jehovah is speeding up the work" because "the end is near".

As my high school graduation in 1970 approached, I was torn between the hopes and expectations of my teachers and counselors and the admonition of my parents. As I was a good student, my teachers and counselors were very much in favor of my going to college. Because I was the recipient of a national award in my junior year, I received numerous scholarship offers from colleges all over the country. My father, however, was determined that I should devote myself to the “preaching of the good news”, especially in view of the “times and seasons” in which we believed we lived. Attending college would have meant forsaking my family and striking out completely on my own. I had never openly disobeyed my parents; following my graduation (as fourth in my high school class), I began full-time service as a “pioneer”, devoting one hundred hours per month to the door-to-door and Bible study ministry.

I was very successful as a pioneer. Over the next three years, at least three persons with whom I conducted home Bible studies were subsequently baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses. In most cases, their families followed them. I had become expert at directing conversations by asking just the right questions, and following a scripture in one part of the Bible with a scripture written hundreds of years earlier (or later), tying the two scriptures together in the same manner that our literature did. It would be many years before I would, upon commencing a study of logic in college, discover that I was using poorly constructed arguments and logical fallacies to reach conclusions that were not in fact supported by the evidence.

In the Fall of 1973 I had the opportunity to travel, in the company of my best friend and her family, to San Juan, Puerto Rico, for an International Assembly of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Little did I know the many ways in which this trip would change my life forever.

_______________
*The Witness understanding of these doctrines continues to change over time, and their doctrine is somewhat different at present than it was at that time. What I describe is the doctrine that I both learned and taught during the time period being discussed.

Next: From My Father's House to My Husband's House

Returning to the Journey

2008-05-04T16:14:00.003-04:00

With my next post, I am returning to the story of my journey of faith. Because no one travels through this life alone, my journey (especially from the point of my next post onward) will sometimes touch on other people -- people who may be still alive, still part of my life (or not), and certainly people who have no intention for their own lives to become public knowledge.

For this reason, there will be portions of my story that will of necessity be told in broad strokes, lacking detail.

If my story raises questions in your mind and heart, feel free to use the email link found in my profile to contact me. I will be happy to answer those questions that involve my personal history and belief system, in so far as those questions do not involve compromising the privacy of other people.

Also, because this is a personal account and not a research paper, I will not quote all sources or provide detailed background regarding such things as the doctrines of Jehovah's Witnesses (either then or now). Again, if you have serious questions, I will be happy to address them in private email as above rather than in the blog combox. I do have references and sources, as well as extensive personal experience, at the base of what I relate here.

As I point out in my profile, I am not an apologist. I am a born-again Catholic grandmother, who just happens to have a slightly different history than many who share that appelation. I pray that my personal history and experiences will resonate with someone else and help them in their "journey home", just as the experiences of others who have gone before me have been of inestimable value in my pursuit of the One, Holy, Apostolic, Catholic Church.

Finding a Seat at the Table of the Lord

2008-03-23T14:06:00.013-04:00

Last night, not quite 41 years from the date I made my original vow of dedication to God, I was baptized, confirmed, and received communion as a Roman Catholic Christian.

The timing was providential. In a correspondence that rarely occurs, the Memorial of Christ's Death as commemorated by Jehovah's Witnesses was held at exactly the same time as the Easter Vigil of the Latin Church -- after sundown, March 22. Until last year, when for the first time I made a conscious decision not to attend the JW Memorial, I had never willingly been absent from that observance.

As a small child, my father impressed upon me the importance of the Lord's Evening Meal. He told his hyperactive and "wiggly" daughter that God comes down from heaven in a special way to be with us when we celebrate the Lord's Supper. As in many things, my father was right in what he said, even as he was wrong in what he believed about what he said.

On at least 50 evenings of my life, I was present for the Lord's Evening Meal. (The commemoration is held annually). I know I was there with my parents as a baby, because they have told me. As a small child, I sat in awed silence as the prayers were said over the bread (made with special whole wheat flour and water in my mother's kitchen) and the red wine. I then eagerly awaited my opportunity to pass the "emblems" to the next person in the row. It was required that everyone except for tiny babies should hold the plate bearing the bread and the goblet of wine. But that was all that most of us ever did: take the plate and then the goblet and pass them to the next person.

You see, the Witnesses teach that there are two classes of Christians. The first, the annointed, are limited in number (144,000 total). These are the ones who will be with Christ in heaven, and these are the only ones who are allowed to "partake" at the Lord's Evening Meal. The second group, the Other Sheep, comprise the vast majority of Witnesses. These ones believe that their hope is to live forever on earth, either surviving Armageddon and never dying, or being resurrected to a Paradise Earth. These people attend as "observers" and do not partake of the bread and wine. I believed myself to have this "earthly hope". At any of the celebrations of the Memorial at which I was present, there was never more than one person (out of an attendance of 150 or so) who "partook". Some years, there was no one present who ate the bread and drank the wine. I'm sure this seems very strange, even bizarre, to Christians who read it. But it was "normal" in the insular world of the Jehovah's Witnesses.

In 2005, when a dear friend of mine began RCIA classes at the Catholic Church, I began to reinvestigate the Bible. Having been inactive as a Witness for a number of years at that point, I had all but stopped reading the Bible or religious material. When I started to read the Bible again, I read it by itself, in its own natural context, and I started with the Gospels. The more I read Jesus' own words and the words of his Apostles, the stronger my conviction became that Jesus was talking to ME in those scriptures. I began to understand that when Jesus said, "I go to prepare a place for you, that where I am you may be also" he was talking to ALL CHRISTIANS.

There is much more to my conversion story, of course, and I will try to tell as much of it as you can stand to read. But our Lord Jesus Christ is at the center of it. He was calling me, and I finally had eyes to see and ears to hear.

There have been many times on this journey that I have wondered if I would ever find a seat at the Table of the Lord. Last night, I received the Holy Eucharist for the first time.

Thanks be to God!

I am Home.

Holy Thursday

2008-03-21T11:09:00.002-04:00

Have you ever wanted something (or someone) so much that you thought your heart would break for the lack of it?

That is how I felt last night at the Mass of the Lord's Supper.

It is a longing like that of a Bride waiting for her Bridegroom.

Come Lord Jesus!!

Why Jehovah's Witnesses Must Shun Christmas

2007-12-25T18:37:00.001-05:00

All my life, growing up as a JW in the 1950s and 60s, I was taught the standard reasons Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Christmas (while claiming to be Christian).

1. Jesus Christ was not born on December 25. The Witnesses claimed that Jesus was born in October. They didn't celebrate Christmas then either.

2. The date of Jesus' birth is not found in the Bible. They claim the only event in Jesus' life that occurred on an identifiable date was The Last Supper which was followed by his death.

3. Christmas is the celebration of a birthday. JWs do not celebrate birthdays (and claim the early Christians did not celebrate birthdays either).

4. They assert that the customs associated with the celebration of Christmas (including the date) have a Pagan origin.

There are, of course, very reasonable answers to all these objections. But none of the four reasons listed above is the REAL reason JWs must shun Christmas. The real reason is this:

Christmas is the ultimate testimony to and representation of the Incarnation -- God become man in the person of a Babe in Bethlehem. JWs reject the Incarnation.

Now JWs have a silly tale (unsupported by scripture, BTW) that the babe born in Bethlehem was the "transferred life" of the Archangel Michael, whom they claim was God's first creation. Surprisingly, at least to the Catholics I know, JWs at the same time claim to believe in the Virgin birth. They accept the part that the babe was conceived by Holy Spirit and born in Bethlehem without the aid of a human father, but they reject that this child is God become man.

JWs also claim that the adoration of the Infant is demeaning to Jesus Christ. They state that it detracts from his current rulership as the "King of God's Kingdom". Of course, everything about the JW explanation is demeaning to Jesus. And the angels who sang from heaven at the birth of Our Lord appear to disagree mightily with the JW opinion.

So the next time a JW wants to explain to you all the reasons they do not celebrate Christmas, ask that same JW how it is that they claim to be Christian while not acknowledging the miracle of the Incarnation.

And you might let them know that the Devil did not send the star, either.

Back to the Present

2007-11-09T14:22:00.000-05:00

This coming Sunday, November 11, I will experience my first step in the RCIA process -- the Rite of Acceptance.

As described in a document posted online,

CELEBRATION OF THE RITE OF ACCEPTANCE

The Candidates and their sponsors gather at the entrance of the church.

GREETING

Celebrant:

Dear friends, the Church joyfully welcomes today those who will be received into the order of catechumens. In the months to come they will prepare for their initiation into the Christian faith by baptism, confirmation, and eucharist.

Opening Dialogue

The celebrant calls out the name of each candidate (list of names printed for the Celebrant here)

Candidate:

Present

Celebrant:

What do you ask of God’s Church?

Candidate:

Faith.

Celebrant:

What does faith offer you?

Candidate:

Eternal life.

Celebrant:

This is eternal life: to know the one true God and Jesus Christ, whom he has sent. Christ has been raised from the dead and appointed by God as the Lord of life and ruler of all things, seen and unseen.

If, then you wish to become his disciples and members of his church, you must be guided to the fullness of the truth that he has revealed to us. You must learn to make the mind of Christ Jesus your own. Your must strive to pattern your life on the teachings of the Gospel and so to love the Lord your God and your neighbor. For this was Christ’s command and he was its perfect example.

Is each of you ready to accept these teachings of the Gospel?

Candidate:

I am.

Affirmation by the Sponsors and the Assembly

Celebrant:

Sponsors, you now present these candidates to us; are you, and all who are gathered here with us, ready to help these candidates find and follow Christ?

All:

We are.

With hands joined, the celebrant says:

Father of mercy, we thank you for these your servants. You have sought and summoned them in many ways and they have turned to seek you.

You have called them today and they have answered in our presence: we praise you, Lord, and we bless you.

All:

We praise you, Lord, and we bless you.

SIGNING OF THE CANDIDATES WITH THE CROSS

Celebrant:

Next the cross is traced on the forehead of the candidates at the discretion of the celebrant the signing of one, several, or all of the sense may follow. The celebrant alone says the formularies accompanying each signing.

Celebrant

Come forward now with your sponsors to receive the sign of your new way of life as catechumens.

With their sponsors, the candidates come one by one to the celebrant; with his thumb he traces a cross on the forehead saying the following words:

Celebrant

N., receive the cross on your forehead. It is Christ himself who now strengthens you with this sign of his love. Learn to know him and follow him.

All:

Glory and praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ

SIGNING OF THE OTHER SENSES

The signing is carried out by the catechists or the sponsors. The signing of each sense may be followed by an acclamation in praise of Christ, for example, “Glory and praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ!”

Receive the sign of the cross on your ears, that you may hear the voice of the Lord.

Receive the sign of the cross on your eyes, that you may see the glory of God.

Receive the sign of the cross on your lips, that you may respond to the word of God.

Receive the sign of the cross over your heart, that Christ may dwell there by faith.

Receive the sign of the cross on your shoulders, that you may bear the gentle yoke of Christ.

Receive the sign of the cross on your hands, that Christ may be known in the work which you do.

Receive the sign of the cross on your feet, that you may walk in the way of Christ.

Then the celebrant makes the sign of the cross over all together saying:

I sign you with the sign of eternal life in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Catechumens:

Amen.

Concluding Prayer

Celebrant:

Let us pray.

Lord, we have signed these catechumens with the sign of Christ’s cross. Protect them by its power, so that, faithful to the grace which has begun in them, they may keep your commandments and come to the glory of rebirth in baptism.

We ask this through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Catechumens may be seated as you share with us at the table of God’s word.

Readings

Gospel

Homily

Presentation of a Bible

After homily celebrant calls Catechumens forward. Bless the bibles, team will help as you present a bible to each candidate saying: “Receive the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God”.

Intercessions

Celebrant:

These catechumens, who are our brothers and sisters, have already traveled a long road. We rejoice with them in the gentle guidance of God who has brought them to this day. Let us pray that they may press onwards, until they come to share fully in our way of life.

Lector:

That God our Father may reveal this Christ to them more and more with every passing day, let us pray to the Lord:

R. Lord hear our prayer.

Lector:

That they may undertake with generous hearts and souls whatever God may ask of them, let us pray to the Lord.

R. Lord hear our prayer.

Lector:

That they may have our sincere and unfailing support every step of the way, let us pray to the Lord.

R. Lord hear our prayer.

Lector:

That they may find in our community compelling signs of unity and generous love, let us pray to the Lord.

R. Lord hear our prayer.

Lector:

That their hearts and ours may become more responsive to the needs of others, let us pray to the Lord.

R. Lord hear our prayer.

Lector:

That in due time they may be found worthy to receive the baptism of new birth and renewal in the Holy Spirit, let us pray to the Lord.

R. Lord hear our prayer.

Prayer over the Catechumens

After the intercessions, the celebrant, with hands ourstreched over the catechumens, says the following prayer.

Almighty God, source of all creation, you have made us in your image.

Welcome with love those who come before you today.

They have listened among us to the word of Christ; by its power renew them and by your grace refashion them, so that in time they may assume the full likeness of Christ, who lives and reigns for ever and ever.

R. Amen

Dismissal of the Catechumens

My dear friends, this community now sends you forth to reflect more deeply upon the word of God which you have shared with us today. Be assured of our loving support and prayers for you. We look forward to the day when you will share in the Lord’s Table.

A team member will lead the Catechumen’s out to study the scripture.

I remember when I first heard about this Rite. My dear friend explained it to me; she was being accepted as a Catechumen in the Church. At the time, I thought, how wonderful that the Church celebrates the intentions of those on the way to conversion in such a beautiful and special way!! The Rite really makes present the import of Jesus' words at Matthew 7:7, 8:

7 Ask, and it shall be given you: seek, and you shall find: knock, and it shall be opened to you. 8 For every one that asketh, receiveth: and he that seeketh, findeth: and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened. -- Douay-Rheims Bible

It will be a glorious day :-)

Sacred Service

2007-11-05T15:50:00.001-05:00

1 Consequently I entreat YOU by the compassions of God, brothers, to present YOUR bodies a sacrifice living, holy, acceptable to God, a sacred service with YOUR power of reason. -- Romans 12:1, NWT

If study was the foundation of my Witness life, service was the framework. Devout Jehovah's Witnesses believe that they should spend every available moment talking to others about the "good news". For a Witness, the good news is that God is going to, very soon, destroy the wicked and establish an earthly paradise for righteous mankind.

Because this destruction is believed to be imminent, and because all those who are not Jehovah's Witnesses are believed to be in danger of destruction, sincere Witnesses have a tremendous sense of urgency in their ministry. And I was a sincere Witness.

Witnesses keep track of the amount of time that they spend in their ministry. The time that is recorded is reported to their local congregation, with those numbers being accumulated and sent to the world headquarters of Jehovah's Witnesses. In fact, it is the reporting of such time spent that determines if a person is "counted" as being an active Witness (also called a "publisher"). The Witnesses take great pride in their way of identifying "Witnesses". They are quick to point out that the numbers they report each year represent those who have actually participated in the ministry.

The very idea of "counting time" strikes most Christians as odd. Who ever heard of "punching a time clock" for God?

I had always accompanied my parents in the door-to-door ministry. After I was baptized, I spent every summer as what was then called a "vacation pioneer". This meant that I spent at least 75 hours per month knocking on doors and returning for further discussions with people who showed interest. I was very serious about this ministry, and my parents fully supported my participation in it. I got a lot of positive reinforcement from others in the congregation. I was the "poster girl" for Witness teenagers.

While I cheerfully accepted the responsibility of delivering this "life-or-death" message to my neighbors, I was passing on most of the activities that would otherwise have occupied my summers. But I was very serious about my service, and didn't dwell on the fact that my school friends were at the swimming pool working on their suntans.

Only one thing bothered me about my sacred service -- the narrowness of it. I desired to be of help to others, and I was told (by my parents, by the congregation, and by the organization) that the best possible way to do this was to visit my neighbors in their homes and teach them the "truth" from the Bible. While I could see the value of applying the Bible's moral laws to one's life, I had a nagging sense that I should be doing more to help people in a concrete way. Not all of my school friends were working on their tans during the summer -- some of them went with local churches on "missions" -- they distributed donated food and clothing, or they helped to build houses, or they assisted in the establishment of schools in poverty-stricken places.

Every time I read the book of James, or the 25th chapter of Matthew, or considered the miracles of Jesus providing loaves and fishes to feed the crowds, my conscience bothered me. What was I doing to help people REALLY? I was doing everything the Watchtower instructed me to do, and more, but I wasn't doing any of these things.

And furthermore, if I had been doing any of these things, they would not have "counted" as sacred service in the congregation.

My point is not that Jehovah's Witnesses are stingy or fail to help their neighbors. I know many Witnesses who are kind, helpful, and generous to others in a material way. What I am saying is that the ethos of their community does not encourage this behavior. Helping others in a physical or material way is not acknowledged. It doesn't "count" as sacred service; time spent in this way is not reported. So I guess what I am saying is that Witnesses who are kind and generous are so IN SPITE of their religion, not because of it.

It bothered me that works like those of Dorcas (Acts 3) were going virtually unnoticed in the congregation, while individuals who made a show of going from door-to-door (while actually accomplishing very little) would receive praise and privileges in the congregation.

But, like my questions about history, these doubts and concerns remained unspoken. I did not even bring them to God in prayer. I believed that there must be something wrong with me if I didn't understand how the congregation worked.

My "power of reason" was invested in my "sacred service", but my heart was, over time, being left behind. The problem, I was certain, had to be with me. I was not "good enough", I needed to try harder, study more, spend more time in "service". I wasn't sure what was missing, but I was determined to find it.

Next: If You Are Looking for Answers

On Lost Magic

2007-10-25T15:46:00.001-04:00

"Study to shew thyself approved unto God" --
1 Timothy 2:15, King James Version

If I could condense my life as a Witness into two words, the first would be "study". I was surprised to discover recently that the English word "study" does not appear even one time in the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures, the translation produced by Jehovah's Witnesses. During my childhood and on into my adult life as a Witness, study was the foundation stone on which everything else was built.

Although personal Bible reading was a habit of mine (established, no doubt, during those early morning family sessions), most of my study time was occupied with reading and studying publications of the Watchtower Society. Every summer, new books were "released" at the large conventions that we always attended as a family. Each of these was devoured greedily, as most purported to reveal the fulfillment of Bible prophecies in what was always termed this "Time of the End". Many explanations of Bible prophecy focused on the work of "modern-day" Jehovah's Witnesses and drew parallels between the Witnesses, ancient Israel, and the early Christians. Some of these books, such as the lengthy Babylon the Great has Fallen, God's Kingdom Rules, a discussion of the book of Revelation, identified all religions other than the Witnesses as being lead (knowingly or unknowingly) by the Devil in opposition to the Witnesses (God's people). Written in what appeared to be scholarly terms, these books also included references to events in history, together with dates for these events.

The Babylon book came out in 1963, the summer after my sixth grade year, and a few years before my baptism in 1967. I studied it intently, even though it was not used in formal group studies for several years. I loved the charts of kings and world events, and was pleased to be learning so much about history.

My first World History class as a sophomore in high school, however, was not what my study had lead me to expect. The Babylonian kings were detailed in this class, along with the dates of their reigns. But when I compared the dates in my history book with the dates in my prized Babylon book, I discovered that there were serious areas of difference. In particular, my world history book dated the destruction of Jerusalem as occuring in 586 or 587 B.C., while the Babylon book and other publications of the Watchtower Society insisted that this destruction occured in 607 B.C. Not only that, but 607 B.C. was used as the basis for Jehovah's Witnesses understanding of the beginning of the "Time of the End" and their insistence that the end of the wicked world was imminent.

It is indicative of the degree of trust that I held in my religion that I did not raise these questions with anyone, not even with my father, who had always assured me that he was willing to discuss anything. Our various study books did at times instruct us that there were differences between secular chronology and "Bible" chronology. I told myself that this was just one of those differences, pushed down my questions, and continued to read and study everything the Watchtower Society sent out.

All of this studying, intense as it was, was not drawing me closer to God. The more I studied, the farther I seemed to move from the innocent child who could always talk to her Heavenly Father. Even my baptism at age 14, much desired and eagerly anticipated as it was, did not fill the strange empty space that I found growing in my heart.

In a poem written shortly before my baptism in 1967, I remarked:

I remember when touching the mantlepiece was an accomplishment,
And Mommy was a long way up.
Funny, heaven seemed so much closer then.

Next: Sacred Service

In the Embrace of Family

2007-10-14T19:20:00.001-04:00

"When you read the Bible, God speaks to you; when you pray you speak to God.” -- St. Augustine

I don't remember learning to read. I do remember going to school and discovering that I knew how to read already -- the teacher put the word "look" on the chalkboard, and I knew the word.

I believe that I learned to read while sitting on my father's lap. My father loved to read and to study, and he read to me every day. While he was teaching me to read, Dad was also teaching me to love God and to love the Bible. I don't remember learning either of those things either, but as no one is born with such love, I must have learned it.

I remember asking my mother, when I was five or six, "Who made God?" My mother replied, "No one made God. God had no beginning and has no end." I looked out the window at the darkening night sky and wondered about that for a long time. In many ways, I wondered about God for most of my life. How could He have no beginning and no end? It was a mystery to me, although the term "mystery" was not a part of my religious vocabulary. But a mystery it was.

As a child, up until about age twelve, I felt a mystical closeness with God. It was not something I could explain to my very rational and logical parents. My dear father, in particular, spent a lot of time worrying about his daydreaming little girl. I would talk to God just as I would talk to my mother or sister; it didn't matter to me that he didn't answer me out loud. I knew he could hear me.

When I was only five, I would accompany my parents in their door-to-door ministry as Jehovah's Witnesses. I was very precocious, and insisted on speaking at the doors. As a grandmother now, I cannot imagine opening the door to find a tiny five-year old earnestly admonishing me to read the Bible. But I did exactly that. As I learned to read at an early age, I would even read scriptures from the Bible at the doors. I conducted my first "home Bible study" (where I was the teacher!) when I was seven years old. You might say I was an unusual child.

When my sister and I were in elementary school, my father decided that we needed to read the Bible daily as a family. Because of our conflicting schedules, the best time was early morning. So for several years, we all got up at 5:30 a.m. and read the Bible together. I have never forgotten the warmth of those mornings.

I dearly wished to be baptized, which I understood to be the dedicating of my life to serve God. Especially from the time I was about ten, when I read a book called Jehovah's Witnesses in the Divine Purpose, I had this strong desire. In this book I read about Witnesses, including children, who had given their lives for their faith. Many of these experiences were from Nazi Germany during World War II, when Jehovah's Witnesses were imprisoned in the concentration camps and many died. I used to have nightmares about such persecution, and wake up in the night and pray that God would give me strength to be faithful to him should I ever have to face such trials. This was a heavy burden for a young child, but I believed it to be my destiny as a Witness of Jehovah. I really believed that God would be coming to destroy the wicked world very soon, and that before that occurrence there would be great persecution. Even though I pleaded with them, my parents decided that I was too young to be baptized and that I should wait until my teenage years.

Another event happened when I was ten years old -- my dear mother (who was in her mid-forties) suffered a heart attack. She was in the hospital for a while, and after she came home she was confined to bed for a time. I would sit on the bed and talk to her for hours, and it was during one of these talks that I found out that my mother had undergone heart surgery before she met my father. She was born with a heart defect (which in 1918 in the mountains of Arkansas could easily have been a death sentence). Somehow, she survived, but by the time she was in her mid-twenties, her heart was failing. She was referred to the Mayo Clinic for her surgery. At the time, the operation (to correct patent ductus arteriosus)was only being done at three hospitals in the United States. In the course of this surgery, she received a great deal of blood by transfusion.

Learning that mother had had blood transfusions was shocking to me, as blood transfusions were forbidden to Jehovah's Witnesses. Many battles were being fought in the courts to compel Witnesses to take blood, and Witnesses who died after refusing a blood transfusion were viewed as having been martyrs for their faith. But she explained that, at the time of her surgery (1944), blood transfusions were not forbidden or viewed as sinful. The use of blood for medical purposes was identified as sinful in the following year, 1945. It was declared a "disfellowshipping offense" several years later.

I was only ten, but I quickly made the connection -- my mother would not have survived to meet my father without the surgery she had. The surgery would not have been performed in 1944 without the use of blood transfusions. No blood -- no surgery -- no marriage -- no ME! I didn't know what to do with this information. It was shocking to me to think that, had my mother not found the surgeon until 1945, she might never have had the operation. I would have never been born.

This was my first experience with cognitive dissonance, although it would be many years before I would discover the meaning of that term.

Next: On Lost Magic

Deep Roots

2007-10-09T14:57:00.001-04:00

All things must come to the soul from its roots, from where it is planted.
Saint Teresa of Avila

My family is deeply rooted in religious rebellion. Both of my grandmothers were Scots-Irish, descended from Protestants who were at odds with both the Catholics and the Anglicans. (See: Ulster-Scots ). My paternal grandfather was alleged to be a descendant of French Protestants. (See: Huguenot ) By the nineteenth century, these three families were all American Baptists. My maternal grandfather had a Welsh Protestant (Presbyterian) father and a German Protestant (Lutheran) mother.

Additionally, in the late nineteenth century, one of my Baptist great-great-grandfathers obtained a copy of a tract called "Food for Thinking Christians" that was written by C. T. Russell, considered the father of the present-day Jehovah's Witnesses. He accepted the doctrines of those who were then called Bible Students, as did his son and later his granddaughter (my grandmother). Possibly due to the influence of my great-grandmother, my grandmother attended a Baptist Church every Sunday while meeting with the Bible Students as her father and grandfather did during the week. She played the organ and sang in the Church. It was there that she met my grandfather. Now how a West Virginian who was a product of a Presbyterian-Lutheran marriage happened to be in a Baptist Church in Arkansas around the turn of the century was never told to us. I expect that would be quite a story in itself. But the tall West Virginian married the tiny Scots Irish Bible Student and he became a Bible Student himself.

Back in West Virginia, my other Scots Irish grandmother was being raised as a good Baptist. She was attending school, and her 8th grade teacher was a handsome fellow of French descent who was also a good Baptist (his grandfather built the local Baptist Church which is named for my father's family). On Christmas Day, 1905, he picked her up in a horse and buggy, ostensibly to take her to Church. Instead of attending regular services, the handsome school teacher married his beautiful 16-year-old pupil.

The first couple, who met and married in Arkansas, were my mother's parents. The second couple were my father's parents.

Fast forward to World War II, and my mother is a pioneer (a Jehovah's Witness missionary) in West Virginia. She is studying the Bible with a widow; three of the widow's four sons are serving in the War effort. Her fourth son, who already had a family at the start of the War, has married a Jehovah's Witness woman, and the widow wants to know what this religion is all about. Ultimately, the pioneer meets one of the widow's sons (home on leave from the Navy), who has also been discussing religion with his brother. These two marry, and become my parents.

So as you can see, religious rebellion has played a very prominent role in my personal history. I am descended from strong-willed, strong-principled, and hardworking folk who invested their lives in studying the Bible and endeavored to live by it. My parents were the same. They thoroughly believed their Jehovah's Witness faith was the one true religion. That is how they raised me.

Why would I ever doubt that I was born into the right religion? What could possibly persuade me to leave the "faith of my fathers"?

Next: In the Embrace of Family

Where to start?

2007-10-03T18:31:00.001-04:00

It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.
St. Francis of Assisi

It is said that every journey begins with just one step. So my journey to the one Holy Catholic Church must have had a beginning; I'm just not sure when it began.

It would be easy for me to say that the journey began the evening I attended my first Mass -- November 1, 2006. But it could not have -- part of the journey had to lead me to the Church door in the first place.

The truth is, I believe I have been "on my way" for my entire life. The little girl who lay in the grass and spoke to God was already on her way. The young woman who greeted her newborn children with wonder at the miracle of their existence was on her way. The almost-40 matriarch who sat by her father's bed as he lay suffering was travelling "the road". She just had not bothered to read the signs.

I hope to trace (or retrace) through these pages and these words the various "signs of grace" in my life that have lead me to this place -- this faith, this longing for baptism, this hunger for communion. If you are so inclined, come walk with me. We will look for the signs together.

Next Installment: Deep Roots