A Thorn in the Flesh

 

How does suffering draw one closer to Christ?  How can Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” help me understand this?

Last night, as I was praying over a recording about the first miracle performed by Mother Teresa after her death, the Holy Spirit led me to a contemplation of the value of suffering.  One of Mother Teresa’s teachings is that suffering draws us closer to Christ, that we should see suffering as Christ leaning to kiss us.

Since Christ does not CAUSE suffering and he loves us very much, this is a very difficult teaching to understand.  But as I prayed, I began to see a little more clearly how this might apply in my life.

I am certainly not the Apostle Paul, but I do have a “thorn in the flesh” with which I must contend daily.  I have a neurologic condition (inherited) that compromises my balance and also my coordination in other things. 

Growing up, I was physically very strong and also very strong willed.  I was raised with the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” notion, “the Lord helps those who help themselves”.  I was, in fact, taught to rely completely on no one but myself.  When I became Catholic, I learned that I should, instead, rely completely on no one but Jesus.  I learned that my hands were actually weak, that I could do nothing from my own strength, that God had been giving me strength all along.

As you might imagine, this was a difficult lesson for me.  Trips to the Confessional and prayer began to show me that I suffered from excessive pride, and that this pride was a stumbling block for me.  Around this same time, I learned about my brain-based inherited neurological condition which cannot be cured by medical means.  My balance continued to deteriorate until walking without a cane became dangerous.

Suddenly, I could not read at Mass because I could not safely mount the steps to the sanctuary.  I could not serve tables at gatherings because I couldn’t use my cane and carry plates at the same time.  The “could nots” began to accumulate and I became very irritated with myself.  Why did this condition have to happen to me?

As time went on, through prayer and confession, I learned to offer my “suffering” (my frustration, together with some real pain I experienced) for the good of others.  I started praying to my Guardian Angel as I walked down the aisle for communion, that I wouldn’t fall on the way or drop my cane when I received.  I was presented with other ministries that I could, by God’s grace and with His help, accomplish. 

So I was learning humility.  I was learning trust in God.  I was learning empathy for others who had difficulties to manage.  I was leaning closer to Jesus.

My personal “thorn in the flesh” helped me to progress from an arrogant physically competent person to a physically impaired person with a greater trust and reliance on God.  I am also, surprisingly perhaps, a happier person even with my challenges.  If my condition continues to deteriorate, I now have faith that God will work through me in whatever I am still able to do.  But I have to give it to Him, and truly let go of the wheel.

 

Time to Count My Blessings

If you've been following the news, you may have seen reports of the ice storms that passed through Northeastern Kentucky over the last two weeks.  These storms caused major power outages; some families in my county are still without power.  My family, thankfully, has power now.  We went out twice, the first time for more than 3 days and the second time for about 4 days, with a break of a day and a half of having power.

The recent emergency, coming as it does so close to the first anniversary of the pandemic lockdown, has really given me pause.  Lent has started again and it began with a kerosene heater warming the house and grandkids rediscovering actual games that didn't involve electronics.  Ice prevented us from receiving our ashes but did not prevent us from being reminded of our mortality as two people in our county died from hypothermia and another emergency in Texas brought many more deaths.

So I will begin by counting my blessings during the latest storm:

1.  My first blessing is my wonderful husband who remembered that we have a kerosene heater, who retrieved it from an ice encased storage building and managed to get it started.  He then managed to dig out his car and drove all the way into town to find kerosene because the power outage took out all the sources closer to us.

2.  My second blessing is that we never lost water!  Many in our county did lose their water supply when pumping stations lost power.

3.  My third blessing is my dear friends who texted and called to check on us daily.  We were offered places to stay and to shower, but we actually coped very well and since I had two daughters and two grandchildren staying with me (one daughter and one grandchild live here, the others came because they had no heat source) we felt it was better to just stay here.

4.  My fourth blessing is that the food in my refrigerator and freezer stayed cold enough not to spoil!  We drank fresh milk the whole time and had lunchmeat and cheese for sandwiches.  I had to throw out some steaks because we couldn't cook them until they passed their date, some ground beef for the same reason, and some leftovers.  The chest freezer stayed as well.  Maybe this was because the kitchen and laundry room stayed cold.  We had the heater in the living room.

5.  My fifth blessing is that my teenage grandchildren actually talked to me and to each other! That in itself was a miracle!

6.  My sixth blessing was that my daughters learned to appreciate their morning coffee when we had to heat water on the kerosene heater and then wait for the one cup pourover to produce it.  One of my daughters said she liked the pourover coffee better than our regular drip machine brew.  Miracles never cease.

7.  My seventh blessing was that I got to teach my granddaughter how to take a granny bath.  If you don't know what that is, ask someone who grew up in the boonies with no running water in the house like my mother did.

8.  My eighth blessing was the day and a half of power that we got between the two outages.  I got to shower and wash my hair and I know everyone in the house appreciated that :-)

9.  My ninth blessing was that I went through technology withdrawal so choosing to forego online games for Lent was much easier.  Giving up online games (which had become a very bad habit during the COVID lockdowns) has released so much more time for prayer.

10. My tenth blessing was that I was able to keep my phone charged (in a variety of ways) so that I could get weather updates and communicate with friends and family.

I'm sure I could go on, but suffice to say that we remained warm and well fed during the crisis, we checked on our neighbors, we were checked on by my dear friends, and we learned some new skills :-)  My husband and I will be receiving our first COVID 19 vaccinations this week and we are looking forward to the time we will be fully vaccinated and can resume more normal activities.

I am praying for all those still without power and/or water in both my area and in Texas, and I have never stopped praying for all those suffering from COVID 19.  People are still dying from COVID, and it feels even sadder now that the vaccines are available.  

Wishing all of you a fruitful Lent and a joyous Easter.

Palm Sunday 2020

Fred and I had plane tickets for tomorrow. We were going to Las Vegas to visit family. Our only previous trip was over ten years ago. But then the coronavirus started spreading everywhere, so we changed our tickets to this coming September. A minor inconvenience, in the grand scheme of things. But that was just the beginning.

New York City is a ghost town. Las Vegas is dark and empty. St. Peter's Basilica is LOCKED. Mass in little ole Ashland, Kentucky, is cancelled indefinitely :-( The reading of the Passion will take place in empty churches around the world. We will watch or listen on the internet. Where are we? Some days it seems we have fallen down a rabbit hole.

My generation saw the draft take our classmates to war and many of them never came back. Our world went kinda nuts but it was with people coming together and trying to figure things out. This is so so different.

The whole world has been given a time-out. Time to consider our lives and our families. Time to weigh the value of things versus people.

Palm Sunday -- Our Lord rode into Jerusalem on the colt of an ass to cheering crowds paving his road with palm branches. Less than one week later, those same crowds were demanding His blood.

Today I am thankful that I have a Redeemer who holds my future in His hand.

Jesus, I trust in You!

Holy Warfare

From a female theologian, the best article I have read so far on the elephant in the room:

What, indeed, might save us from despair when Mother Church shows herself infested with sin and flirting with darkness?

Please read her entire article here.

Jesus, I trust in you

These are certainly anxious times. We feel within ourselves the pain of the victims of abuse both known and unknown, and we feel anger at those who practiced abuse and those who covered it up. Many of us feel frustration with the appearance of nonresponse from our beloved Holy Father. Our human hearts cry out for actions and for answers. Meanwhile, on an individual level, we are powerless to produce either one.

I received some most excellent spiritual direction this morning from an older missionary priest with whom I have been in touch over the years. He said that the only consolation he finds in these times is from Holy Scripture and the prayers of the Church, especially the Mass and the Divine Office. He pointed out something that I had also noticed, how the daily Mass readings and the Liturgy of the Hours readings have been so relevant to our current trials. He is much wiser than I, so I am going to do my best to take his advice. He referenced Proverbs 3:5, 6: "5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

Trust. That's a big ask these days. Who do I trust? I don't have to trust any man, whether he wears a collar or a Bishop's hat or a crown. But I do have to trust my Lord. I can't ask Him to come down out of heaven and show me His wounds in the way He showed them to St. Thomas the apostle. But when I stand before the crucifix and contemplate all He did for me, I know I can trust Him. I know that He is carrying in Himself all the pain from all the sin and injustice not just from our time but from all times. If His representatives on earth won't speak, He will take care of it. He can make the rocks talk if He needs to! And just as He healed the blind and the lame when He walked the earth, He will heal our minds and hearts and bodies if we just let Him. And I can trust His Church, because He promised that the "gates of Hell will not prevail against it." He did not promise us a Church full of only holy people; He promised us a Holy Church. The Church remains holy because the sacraments that make Her so are not tainted by the sins of the men who deliver them.

Personally, I also trust the faithful and holy priests whom I have been blessed to come to know. I am praying for them also especially now, that they do not become discouraged in their beautiful vocation.

While meditating on the Proverb above, another passage of scripture came to mind. Paul wrote to the Philippians from Rome, where he was imprisoned and where he would be martyred. And yet he sent them these encouraging words (Philippians 4:6-9):

"6 Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, do; and the God of peace will be with you."

"[D]o not rely on your own insight"(Prov. 3:5). Especially now, modern media and instant communications have tried to convince us that we can know everything about everything if we just read enough "news". But that is not the way to gain true insight. True insight comes from our Heavenly Father.

1. If your anger motivates you to write a letter or many letters, do it.
2. If you need to report something that has happened so it can be dealt with, do it.
3. If you are asked to take training that can help you spot predatory behavior or that gives you insight into how to help victims of abuse, do it.

I am doing 1 and 3. Thank God I don't have any personal knowledge that needs to be reported (2).

But after you have done the things in your power, give your pain and anger to the Lord and/or the Blessed Mother and/or your favorite saint. "in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Stop reading every article that pops up with a different opinion about the issues. Put your mind to "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely". I am going to try my best to do this in my own life.

From the opening prayer of the daily Mass for the 22nd week of Ordinary Time (this week):

"Put into our hearts the love of your name,
so that, by deepening our sense of reverence,
you may nurture in us what is good and,
by your watchful care,
keep safe what you have nurtured."

Jesus, I trust in you.

From Cardinal Dolan -- Three Stations of the Cross for the Current Wounds to the Body of Christ

Yes, I know that the classical, popular devotion, the Via Crucis—reverently accompanying Jesus on His tortured journey from unjust condemnation by Pontius Pilate, to His repose in the arms of His sorrowful mother at the foot of the cross, to His burial in a donated sepulcher—is in fourteen steps. I love that devotion, especially on Fridays and during Lent.

But, can I offer an abbreviated one, in only three steps, that has hit me during my listening and observing the deep hurt in the Body of Christ, the Church, caused by the nauseating news of clergy sexual abuse and gross negligence by bishops?

Read more

Why Remain Catholic (with so much scandal)

Bishop Barron's Exhortation