War -- Again

 Well folks, we are at war. Again. Not that we've had peace up until now. But this is definitely war, and we are in it, even though we don't have drones falling in US streets (yet).

So what to do? First, pray! Pray intentionally for our children and grandchildren who stand in danger. Pray for innocent civilians who have to find shelter from missiles. Pray for the leaders who need to disarm and promote peace (see Pope Leo XIV prayer intentions for this month).

Plan, be prudent, but don't spend time and energy worrying. Gasoline will become expensive and may be in short supply. It's happened before, and I survived waiting my turn in long lines on alternate days to fill up and spending ridiculous amounts for the privilege. You'll have to plan to make the most of your trips to and from work. You'll have to give up things you don't need to buy. You'll have to prioritize needs over wants. You can do it. It's been done -- by my parents growing up in the Depression and WW II, by my own young family in the late 70s and 80s.

Everything will become more expensive, but food grown close to home and items made close to home will increase in cost by a smaller margin. If you are able (I am not), dig up your backyard and plant some food. Repair your tools instead of replacing them. Make do or do without -- the motto my parents grew up with.

Get right with your Maker. War or no war, none of us are going to live forever. Whichever comes first, the end of time or the end of our personal time, we need to be close to Jesus.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart" (Proverbs 3:5). "All shall be well, all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." (St. Julia of Norwich) In the end. If it's not well, it's not the end. (one of my college professors).

Musings of an old lady with too much time on her hands today.

Ruth Leone, March 6, 2026

A Thorn in the Flesh

 

How does suffering draw one closer to Christ?  How can Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” help me understand this?

Last night, as I was praying over a recording about the first miracle performed by Mother Teresa after her death, the Holy Spirit led me to a contemplation of the value of suffering.  One of Mother Teresa’s teachings is that suffering draws us closer to Christ, that we should see suffering as Christ leaning to kiss us.

Since Christ does not CAUSE suffering and he loves us very much, this is a very difficult teaching to understand.  But as I prayed, I began to see a little more clearly how this might apply in my life.

I am certainly not the Apostle Paul, but I do have a “thorn in the flesh” with which I must contend daily.  I have a neurologic condition (inherited) that compromises my balance and also my coordination in other things. 

Growing up, I was physically very strong and also very strong willed.  I was raised with the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” notion, “the Lord helps those who help themselves”.  I was, in fact, taught to rely completely on no one but myself.  When I became Catholic, I learned that I should, instead, rely completely on no one but Jesus.  I learned that my hands were actually weak, that I could do nothing from my own strength, that God had been giving me strength all along.

As you might imagine, this was a difficult lesson for me.  Trips to the Confessional and prayer began to show me that I suffered from excessive pride, and that this pride was a stumbling block for me.  Around this same time, I learned about my brain-based inherited neurological condition which cannot be cured by medical means.  My balance continued to deteriorate until walking without a cane became dangerous.

Suddenly, I could not read at Mass because I could not safely mount the steps to the sanctuary.  I could not serve tables at gatherings because I couldn’t use my cane and carry plates at the same time.  The “could nots” began to accumulate and I became very irritated with myself.  Why did this condition have to happen to me?

As time went on, through prayer and confession, I learned to offer my “suffering” (my frustration, together with some real pain I experienced) for the good of others.  I started praying to my Guardian Angel as I walked down the aisle for communion, that I wouldn’t fall on the way or drop my cane when I received.  I was presented with other ministries that I could, by God’s grace and with His help, accomplish. 

So I was learning humility.  I was learning trust in God.  I was learning empathy for others who had difficulties to manage.  I was leaning closer to Jesus.

My personal “thorn in the flesh” helped me to progress from an arrogant physically competent person to a physically impaired person with a greater trust and reliance on God.  I am also, surprisingly perhaps, a happier person even with my challenges.  If my condition continues to deteriorate, I now have faith that God will work through me in whatever I am still able to do.  But I have to give it to Him, and truly let go of the wheel.

 

Time to Count My Blessings

If you've been following the news, you may have seen reports of the ice storms that passed through Northeastern Kentucky over the last two weeks.  These storms caused major power outages; some families in my county are still without power.  My family, thankfully, has power now.  We went out twice, the first time for more than 3 days and the second time for about 4 days, with a break of a day and a half of having power.

The recent emergency, coming as it does so close to the first anniversary of the pandemic lockdown, has really given me pause.  Lent has started again and it began with a kerosene heater warming the house and grandkids rediscovering actual games that didn't involve electronics.  Ice prevented us from receiving our ashes but did not prevent us from being reminded of our mortality as two people in our county died from hypothermia and another emergency in Texas brought many more deaths.

So I will begin by counting my blessings during the latest storm:

1.  My first blessing is my wonderful husband who remembered that we have a kerosene heater, who retrieved it from an ice encased storage building and managed to get it started.  He then managed to dig out his car and drove all the way into town to find kerosene because the power outage took out all the sources closer to us.

2.  My second blessing is that we never lost water!  Many in our county did lose their water supply when pumping stations lost power.

3.  My third blessing is my dear friends who texted and called to check on us daily.  We were offered places to stay and to shower, but we actually coped very well and since I had two daughters and two grandchildren staying with me (one daughter and one grandchild live here, the others came because they had no heat source) we felt it was better to just stay here.

4.  My fourth blessing is that the food in my refrigerator and freezer stayed cold enough not to spoil!  We drank fresh milk the whole time and had lunchmeat and cheese for sandwiches.  I had to throw out some steaks because we couldn't cook them until they passed their date, some ground beef for the same reason, and some leftovers.  The chest freezer stayed as well.  Maybe this was because the kitchen and laundry room stayed cold.  We had the heater in the living room.

5.  My fifth blessing is that my teenage grandchildren actually talked to me and to each other! That in itself was a miracle!

6.  My sixth blessing was that my daughters learned to appreciate their morning coffee when we had to heat water on the kerosene heater and then wait for the one cup pourover to produce it.  One of my daughters said she liked the pourover coffee better than our regular drip machine brew.  Miracles never cease.

7.  My seventh blessing was that I got to teach my granddaughter how to take a granny bath.  If you don't know what that is, ask someone who grew up in the boonies with no running water in the house like my mother did.

8.  My eighth blessing was the day and a half of power that we got between the two outages.  I got to shower and wash my hair and I know everyone in the house appreciated that :-)

9.  My ninth blessing was that I went through technology withdrawal so choosing to forego online games for Lent was much easier.  Giving up online games (which had become a very bad habit during the COVID lockdowns) has released so much more time for prayer.

10. My tenth blessing was that I was able to keep my phone charged (in a variety of ways) so that I could get weather updates and communicate with friends and family.

I'm sure I could go on, but suffice to say that we remained warm and well fed during the crisis, we checked on our neighbors, we were checked on by my dear friends, and we learned some new skills :-)  My husband and I will be receiving our first COVID 19 vaccinations this week and we are looking forward to the time we will be fully vaccinated and can resume more normal activities.

I am praying for all those still without power and/or water in both my area and in Texas, and I have never stopped praying for all those suffering from COVID 19.  People are still dying from COVID, and it feels even sadder now that the vaccines are available.  

Wishing all of you a fruitful Lent and a joyous Easter.

Palm Sunday 2020

Fred and I had plane tickets for tomorrow. We were going to Las Vegas to visit family. Our only previous trip was over ten years ago. But then the coronavirus started spreading everywhere, so we changed our tickets to this coming September. A minor inconvenience, in the grand scheme of things. But that was just the beginning.

New York City is a ghost town. Las Vegas is dark and empty. St. Peter's Basilica is LOCKED. Mass in little ole Ashland, Kentucky, is cancelled indefinitely :-( The reading of the Passion will take place in empty churches around the world. We will watch or listen on the internet. Where are we? Some days it seems we have fallen down a rabbit hole.

My generation saw the draft take our classmates to war and many of them never came back. Our world went kinda nuts but it was with people coming together and trying to figure things out. This is so so different.

The whole world has been given a time-out. Time to consider our lives and our families. Time to weigh the value of things versus people.

Palm Sunday -- Our Lord rode into Jerusalem on the colt of an ass to cheering crowds paving his road with palm branches. Less than one week later, those same crowds were demanding His blood.

Today I am thankful that I have a Redeemer who holds my future in His hand.

Jesus, I trust in You!

Holy Warfare

From a female theologian, the best article I have read so far on the elephant in the room:

What, indeed, might save us from despair when Mother Church shows herself infested with sin and flirting with darkness?

Please read her entire article here.

Jesus, I trust in you

These are certainly anxious times. We feel within ourselves the pain of the victims of abuse both known and unknown, and we feel anger at those who practiced abuse and those who covered it up. Many of us feel frustration with the appearance of nonresponse from our beloved Holy Father. Our human hearts cry out for actions and for answers. Meanwhile, on an individual level, we are powerless to produce either one.

I received some most excellent spiritual direction this morning from an older missionary priest with whom I have been in touch over the years. He said that the only consolation he finds in these times is from Holy Scripture and the prayers of the Church, especially the Mass and the Divine Office. He pointed out something that I had also noticed, how the daily Mass readings and the Liturgy of the Hours readings have been so relevant to our current trials. He is much wiser than I, so I am going to do my best to take his advice. He referenced Proverbs 3:5, 6: "5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

Trust. That's a big ask these days. Who do I trust? I don't have to trust any man, whether he wears a collar or a Bishop's hat or a crown. But I do have to trust my Lord. I can't ask Him to come down out of heaven and show me His wounds in the way He showed them to St. Thomas the apostle. But when I stand before the crucifix and contemplate all He did for me, I know I can trust Him. I know that He is carrying in Himself all the pain from all the sin and injustice not just from our time but from all times. If His representatives on earth won't speak, He will take care of it. He can make the rocks talk if He needs to! And just as He healed the blind and the lame when He walked the earth, He will heal our minds and hearts and bodies if we just let Him. And I can trust His Church, because He promised that the "gates of Hell will not prevail against it." He did not promise us a Church full of only holy people; He promised us a Holy Church. The Church remains holy because the sacraments that make Her so are not tainted by the sins of the men who deliver them.

Personally, I also trust the faithful and holy priests whom I have been blessed to come to know. I am praying for them also especially now, that they do not become discouraged in their beautiful vocation.

While meditating on the Proverb above, another passage of scripture came to mind. Paul wrote to the Philippians from Rome, where he was imprisoned and where he would be martyred. And yet he sent them these encouraging words (Philippians 4:6-9):

"6 Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, do; and the God of peace will be with you."

"[D]o not rely on your own insight"(Prov. 3:5). Especially now, modern media and instant communications have tried to convince us that we can know everything about everything if we just read enough "news". But that is not the way to gain true insight. True insight comes from our Heavenly Father.

1. If your anger motivates you to write a letter or many letters, do it.
2. If you need to report something that has happened so it can be dealt with, do it.
3. If you are asked to take training that can help you spot predatory behavior or that gives you insight into how to help victims of abuse, do it.

I am doing 1 and 3. Thank God I don't have any personal knowledge that needs to be reported (2).

But after you have done the things in your power, give your pain and anger to the Lord and/or the Blessed Mother and/or your favorite saint. "in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Stop reading every article that pops up with a different opinion about the issues. Put your mind to "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely". I am going to try my best to do this in my own life.

From the opening prayer of the daily Mass for the 22nd week of Ordinary Time (this week):

"Put into our hearts the love of your name,
so that, by deepening our sense of reverence,
you may nurture in us what is good and,
by your watchful care,
keep safe what you have nurtured."

Jesus, I trust in you.

From Cardinal Dolan -- Three Stations of the Cross for the Current Wounds to the Body of Christ

Yes, I know that the classical, popular devotion, the Via Crucis—reverently accompanying Jesus on His tortured journey from unjust condemnation by Pontius Pilate, to His repose in the arms of His sorrowful mother at the foot of the cross, to His burial in a donated sepulcher—is in fourteen steps. I love that devotion, especially on Fridays and during Lent.

But, can I offer an abbreviated one, in only three steps, that has hit me during my listening and observing the deep hurt in the Body of Christ, the Church, caused by the nauseating news of clergy sexual abuse and gross negligence by bishops?

Read more

Why Remain Catholic (with so much scandal)

Bishop Barron's Exhortation

I will stay!

Pray and Fast Today!

Please!

Keep praying!

"There is no duplicity in him"

While doing my morning devotions at Blessed is She, I found today's gospel reading especially helpful. Particularly John 1:47, "Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said of him, 'Here is a true child of Israel. There is no duplicity in him.'" This Nathaniel is also called Bartholomew (his surname or what we call last name). Today is the feast of St. Bartholomew, Apostle.

"There is no duplicity in him." As I have grappled with anger and sadness this month in the wake of the scandals rocking my beloved Roman Catholic Church, I have prayed for the Lord to send us honest and transparent and Holy shepherds to comfort the wounded and suffering Body of Christ. I have prayed for men with "no duplicity" in them.

I know these men exist, I do not have to go back to St. Bartholomew's time to find them. I have been blessed to know them. But the failure of so many clergy over such a long period of time is soul crushing. When the unfaithful shepherds are removed from ministry to serve a life of penance and prayer (or be disciplined by secular authorities), who will shepherd the flock? Who will raise holy hands to heaven to consecrate the bread and wine that we may partake of the Bread of Life? Pope Emeritus Benedict's prediction may come true in this country. We may see a smaller Church, at least for a while as we go through a rebuilding and renewal period. I pray that the Lord wills that this rebuilding and renewal begin soon! But there is much pain and sorrow to face first.

I remember my dear departed pastor, Father John, telling us in a homily: "When outside forces beseige the Church, the Church rises up stronger to do battle with them. When the outside battles are few, the Devil takes advantage of the deceptive peace with the World to corrupt and destroy the Church from within." That rings so true at this moment in the US and other nations where Christians are not being attacked and martyred for their faith.

While Christians in the middle East, China, and other parts of the world are suffering exile, imprisonment, torture, and death rather than renounce their faith, some Church leaders in the West have been lulled to sleep by the Devil and are convinced that they can sin with impunity while wearing the garments of their office and a face of false holiness. The Lord Jesus sees their sins and their deceit. He has seen all of it, no matter where it happened or how well it was hidden from others. And still it continued for years.

We are the Church Suffering, but we need to become the Church Militant. Our Lord has waited all this time for the silence to be broken, for Clerics and others who did not engage in these sins but knew of them to bring them and the perpetrators to light. In the Confiteor, we ask the Lord's forgiveness for both what we have done and what we have failed to do. It is way past time for the culture of duplicity to end and the wounds to be uncovered. As hard as these revelations are to stomach, both the sins and the sinners must be exposed before the survivors and the Church can heal.

Accountability cannot stop with priests. I have read that the 2002 policies, which we naively thought would end the abuse problems, did not require Bishops to be examined at all. Thus we have the spectacle of individuals rising to the level of Bishop, Archbishop, and Cardinal while hiding serious sin under the cloak of office. Unless individuals at every level are required to be accountable, the Devil will continue to find ways to perpetuate a culture of sin and duplicity.

I am participating in the #sackclothandashes initiative (described here). It is my way of coping with the deluge of feelings and the sleepless nights I have had since reading the Grand Jury Report from Pennsylvania. My Bishop addressed the issue here. He has also set up a hotline for reporting and assigned a lay woman to receive the reports. You can find that here.

May the Blessed Mother of God wrap her arms around all the suffering survivors, known and unknown, and weep with them and with us for as long as it takes for healing to occur.

My Pope

The announcement of Pope Benedict XVI's impending retirement has filled me with sadness. While I am quite certain that the Holy Spirit is completely in charge of this situation, my weak human heart is hurting. Papa Benedict is My Pope. I learned to see Our Lord through his eyes, to read scripture with his voice in my ear.

I'm going to go and order every one of Pope Benedict/Cardinal Ratzinger's books (the ones I don't already have).  That reading list will last for years!  And I pray that he will write many more books before he takes his place with the Saints. 

Since I don't really have anything wise to say, I refer you to these folks for wisdom:

The text of the Holy Father's Message 

Scott Hahn

The Anchoress

Vivificat

My friend Russ at Crossed the Tiber here and here .

Joy To The World, Third Day

Mary, Mother of God

January 1 is the Feast of Mary, Mother of God. Tonight at the Vigil Mass, Father reminded us that Mary's response to God was always positive and prayerful. When told by the Angel Gabriel that she would become pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit, Mary said, "Let it be done to me as you have said". When she requested her Divine Son to provide wine for the wedding at Cana, she then instructed the servants to "Do just as He tells you".

It is not always easy to do just as the Lord tells us to do. For the Blessed Virgin Mary, it meant watching her only and beloved Son die a painful and bloody death on the Cross. That she knew this was the end from the beginning could only have made it more painful to anticipate and then endure.

The lesson of Mary to me, from the time I was able to "see" her with the eyes of faith, has been this: We must always do what the Lord wants us to do. Sometimes, that will be unbelievably painful, both for Him and for us. Because, you see, He loves us and He feels our pain as His own. And just as He was finally able to wrap His loving arms around His beloved mother and carry her home to be with him always, He will in the end come for us too.

Until then, we must strive to "Do just as He tells" us.

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

It's been Christmas in Bethlehem for over an hour...

She's Home with Jesus for Christmas

Our dear baby granddaughter left us on Sunday morning, December 20, 2009. She died peacefully in her mother's arms with her Nana by her side. I baptized Chloe about five hours before her death with the blessing of my dear priest Father Noe who was two hours away.

Little Chloe was sent to us for a reason, of that I am very sure. We will say our last goodbyes on Thursday morning. This child who was born on her Nana's birthday and died on her great-grandparent's 62nd wedding anniversary will be buried on Christmas Eve.

Say hello to Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa Board, dear Chloe. Give your brother Xavier a kiss for me, and Great-Grandpa Leone. And tell your Great-Uncle David that his mommy (your Great-Grandma Leone) still misses him every single day.

As we will all miss you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnVorT14i4I

Some Personal Notes

Dear Readers (if indeed I have any readers left):

I know I have sadly neglected this blog. Life has been moving at a breakneck pace, and I have not been able to collect my thoughts to post the remaining recollections that are important to my story of my faith journey.

In the midst of it all, though, I did manage to reconnect with a childhood friend who left the Watchtower several years before me. It was wonderful to get together and talk about our families. The JW organization manages to intrude on her life much more than it does on mine, and that realization made me thankful for my own current situation but also angry that many people have their families divided against one another by manmade "rules" and arrogant personal opinions.

On November 10, my newest granddaughter Chloe was born. Her mother, my daughter Michelle, was very ill and Chloe was delivered very prematurely and weighed a mere 18.5 oz. at birth. Chloe is now one month three days old. She is growing, allbeit with many challenges facing her. The picture above is Chloe holding her Mommy's hand. It was taken on December 9.

Please include Chloe in your prayers.

Thank you.

Lenten Thoughts

I've struggled somewhat with this first Lent as a baptized Catholic. Family difficulties abound, and every Lenten assignment that I pick up at Sunday Mass appears to have been written exactly to address my personal faults (ouch!). The dear priest who had become my Confessor and Spiritual Director was called to shepherd a distant parish in our diocese just before Advent, and until last night I had not gotten up courage to go to Confession again (it had been five months -- TOO LONG FOR ME!)

On a brighter note, the "Why Catholic" series began again with this Lent and I was invited to join a group that meets in the home of a couple who were very active in leading my RCIA group. Last Sunday, we decided that our assignment for the week would be to go to Confession and receive the Holy Eucharist this week.

The Lenten Reconciliation (Penance) Service was scheduled for last night, and I made arrangements to attend. I missed the Advent Penance Service; for some reason, I did not find out about it until it was over. So this was my first attendance at this particular type of service.

All I can say is, OH MY!! We had four priests (three visiting) celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation and our permanent Deacon assisting with the service. I prayed my Rosary on the way to Church and was deep in meditation when I arrived with one decade to do later. The service itself was wonderful; I cried profusely through much of it (but I was not the only one in tears). Then I got in line for Confession with my dear Pastor. I don't know what I was waiting for; THIS was exactly what I needed.

After I did my Penance (and no, I'm not going to tell you what it was *hah*), I went for pie with one of my best friends. I felt about a hundred pounds lighter. Later, in bed, I prayed the final decade of my Rosary and fell right to sleep.

Thank you Jesus!